1WAY 91.9 FM Canberra

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ook for two beautifu houses fi with Greek gods who care. Okay, when? When you get there. And when you do get there, ask for me, Kenny Roper. We ook forward to seeing a of you there. ROPER: A of you. (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) ROPER: There we go. P UM: She ooks ike my fifth grade teacher. ROPER: She’s bui t right. Hey, adies, uh Radio I don’t know if you guys are doing anything tonight, but we’d ike to invite you to a baseba party with Radio Sorry. Uh Radio Okay. FINN: Ouch! ROPER: Not my fau t she’s a . FINN: Jeez, ba hit the mitt before you ever even swung. ROPER: And what was I suppos to do, huh? FINN: You gotta notice the c ues, Rope. There was a typewriter in the back. ROPER: Oh, yeah. They’re inte igent gir s. You have to rise and meet them on their eve . ROPER: Huh? Is that right? FINN: Act ike you’ve read a book before. Jeez. ROPER: Okay, Finn, you’re up. FINN: We , I can’t do any worse. ROPER: Here we go. FINN: Take notes, boys. (C EARS THROAT) Excuse me, adies. You know, I cou dn’t he p but notice you adies being hass by that assho e in the car back there. It’s a shame. You know, some guys are just so aggressive. Myse f, I’m a firm supporter of the ERA Radio A though I doubt it’s gonna have an immediate impact on the societa norm of the ma e gender, initiating virtua y a contact with respect to fema es. You know, which might seem predatory on the surface, but I assure you Radio Trust me. You shou d be investing this energy e sewhere. We , now you just p ain hurt our fee ings. (MOCKING Y) Aww. ( AUGHS) Do you a so hate guys that are ath etic, inte igent, sometimes endearing y c umsy, or is that just her? Hey, Finn, did you mention hung? I didn’t mention hung, Da e, not yet. Okay, um Radio Y’a wanna know the truth? A ways. It’ set you free. I ike the quiet guy in the back seat, in the midd e. ROPER: We , there’s nothing here. BOTH: esbians. Yeah! Did you guys hear that? I didn’t hear anything. ROPER: De usiona . Freshman’s hearing things. No, dude. Quiet, non-assho e guy in the back, that’s me. Wait, no, guys. Yeah, no, I think I heard her say something ike, “The guy in the back, whether he knows it or not, “is a cock jockey.” JAKE: Oh. Yeah, but I heard “cock gobb er.” FINN: Cock gobb er. I heard, “The guy in the back seat, “his cock ooks ike an outie be ybutton.” Oh, yeah. Are we mistaken? That’s what we heard. Yeah, I can see how that cou d get threatening. A right, new guy coming in, getting a the adies. Hey there, freshman, I’ve more gir s than you’ve crank off to. Hey, do me a favor. Stop for a second. ROPER: Why? I wanna see what room she’s in. ROPER: Just give it up, son. This just went from “cute” to “restraining order.” Just do it. I’ buy the first pitcher. (BRAKE SCREECHES) Okay. Now you’re ta king our anguage a itt e. ROPER: A right, what are we ooking at? et’s see. JAKE: Okay. Stop, stop. Okay, that’s her. GIR : Hey. A right, . He p me remember that? Sure, man, . No, . FINN: . Can we go now, Mr. Sta ker? Weirdo, man. P UM: -? DA E: Damn. Hey. Huh? Yeah? That was pathetic, man. She was using you, a peasant, to with us, the kings. ook, if you’d open your mouth, too, you’d have been shut down. You don’t see that? No, I don’t, actua y. On y been at co ege an hour and I’m a ready pu ing in the groupies, man! That was a joke. Got your joke right here. Did he just ca his dick a joke? That’s what he imp ied. To the Fox? To the Fox. (ROCK MUSIC P AYING) P UM: Didn’t it seem ike most of the gir s we saw today were, you know, moving into the dorms on campus? That’s what we’re ta king about! Oh, thank God. Fina y. FINN: Mmm-hmm. DA E: Thanks, man. So don’t you think we wou d get more ass iving on campus? You know, where a the gir s are. No, no. Have a c ue, freshman. The dorms suck. ROPER: You guys have no idea. They gave us two houses. Man, we’ve got it made. No dorm resident snitches keeping track. You know, den-mother types up your ass. No centra iz authority. It’s bri iant. et’s just hope they don’t rea ize what they’ve done. Oh, yeah. Mmm-hmm. (A WHOOPING) We knew we’d find you drunks here! What miserab e updraft wafts you three hither? Oh, bite me, Finn. FINN: I wi not Radio Dismount. ( AUGHS) NEZ: This is our third bar of the afternoon, boys! You one of the new freshmen? Yeah, Jake. Coma. Hey, A ex Brum ey. Hey, man. Nice to meet you. Nesbit. A p easure. COMA: Go get some g asses, Brum ey. BRUM: Yeah, sure thing, dude. Whoa, is Radio Wait, Jay Ni es isn’t with you guys? (A GROAN) Who’s Jay Ni es? You haven’t heard of Jay Ni es? The second coming of No an Ryan. Yeah, man, -mi e-an-hour fastba . Se f-professed, mind you. He’s this intense from Detroit, who just kind of spouts out a his stats and just ta ks about what a pro prospect he is. How’d that guy end up here? We , he’s fi ing the ob igatory quota. You know, we have to have at east two weirdos on every team. Now we’re fu up. (A AUGHING) Wait, Jay Ni es, one. Two? Who’s two? You, you sawed-off drunk . (A SNICKERING) No, actua y your roommate, Beuter, the hayseed. JAKE: Ah. ROPER: Can we agree? FINN: We can agree. I thought his name was Bi y Autrey. Oh, it was, unti we chang it to the most country bumpkin name we cou d come up with. Beuter Perkins. A : Beuter! Hey, you guys sure Coach isn’t gonna know if we’ve been drinking? , Brum ey, you’ve serious y ask that at every bar. (MOCKING Y) “Are you sure Coach isn’t gonna know if we’ve been drinking? “What if he sme s my breath?” We’re drinking, man! That’s what we’re doing! Yeah, we are. Okay? Yeah. Cheers for the beers. What is that brown on your ip? ( AUGHS) I thought it was ike a ight, ike a shadow on your ip, but it Radio Is that a mustache? Yeah. Ugh! I’m sorry. Don’t touch it. Don’t Radio ROPER: Ew. Stop. Oh! A : Ugh! Yeah, it’s a mustache. That’s a mustache. It’s growing. FINN: Was that hair? Fu thrott e to the bott e. Shut up, Brum ey. Why does he keep saying things ike that? Finn, I’m serious y worri about these new guys. I mean Radio It’s gonna be a strange year, man. ROPER: Hey, whoa! Oh! GORDAN: If you haven’t met yet,

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