BBC Gahuza

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Test results for the Virgil translation. We’ll start from the bottom. Patricia. Absent. Margaret, %. Jenny! Fifty-two percent. That would just about scrape a pass in the exam proper. Not good enough for Oxford candidates. It’s her Latin, isn’t it? Everyone’s doing their best, Jack. But what if everyone’s best isn’t good enough? What do we do then? Hmm? Well, perhaps the whole thing’s been a waste of money, anyway. You don’t mean that. Well, what’s she going to do with an English degree? If she’s going to spend three years playing that bloody cello, talking in French to a bunch of beatniks, well, I’m just throwing good money after bad. Well, she might meet a nice lawyer there, but she could do that at a dinner dance tomorrow! Oh, because that’s the point of an Oxford education, isn’t it, Dad? It’s the expensive alternative to a dinner dance. What about private tuition? Can anybody hear me? How much is this going to cost me? Five shillings an hour, maybe a little more for A-level. Five bob? We spend five bob here, we spend five bob there. Next thing you know, that’s our savings down the drain. And what else are we spending five bob on? What else are we spending sixpence on? Oh, nothing! No! Nothing. All of this is free. This vase is free. It was, actually. It was a present from Auntie Vi. That chair, this sofa, it’s all free. We didn’t have to pay for any of it. You see, that’s the beauty of life, Jenny. You don’t have to pay for anything. You know, there’s a lovely Oxford tree growing in the garden. Lucky for you, because that’s Oxford taken care of. And there’s a whole orchard of school trees, so that school is free, and I think there’s even a private tuition tree in there. I’ll just go and check, shall I? Jack! Oh, it’s all right, Marjorie. Don’t worry, I’ll only be a second, because I think there’s a whole clump of them surrounding the pocket money tree! I’ll just go and make sure they’re all nice and safe, shall I? Oh, and by the way, you might be lucky. There might be a man with deep pockets growing out there, because God knows you’re going to need one! Well, you can always go to secretarial college with Hattie. Oh, thanks. Charming! Oh, God. No. Hello! Hello, Graham. I haven’t seen you in ages. It went a bit wrong, didn’t it? The tea party, I mean. Was it because of the year off thing? Because I… No! I just have so much work to do if I’m going to get the grades I need. Yeah, she doesn’t have time for boys. Bye, Graham! Bye. And I’ll tell you what the first thing my grandfather did when he retired… …was to say to my grandmother when she expired. You do all the Goons? No, my Eccles is no good. Oh, no, you’ve got him. No, no. I can’t do it… Hello. Ah, Jenny. David does the most fantastic Bluebottle. You came to see my parents? Why is that so hard to imagine? Why are you drinking? It’s not Christmas. Well, there’s a lot you don’t know about us, young lady. We had a life before you came along. Mmm, that’s true. I’m only going on what I’ve seen for the last years. I’m trying to think what you missed. Nothing much comes to mind. Anyway,

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