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you’d already run off and it was too late and we still needed three more. So we waited like we always wait but we can’t wait anymore so we reached out to your father and we called to you. And now you are here with the three that we need. Why five? Five is harmony. It is the key that opens the door. And you step through the chaos and you exit the other side and you are washed free of all that beautiful beautiful blood and you are ready to start again. Five must die. Do you see? It doesn’t have to be you, though. Good girl. Now open the door. Sarah. And on my right, I have my mate from South Shields, and I told him, if I ever did Juice, I promised that he would do it with me, so I’m glad he could make it today. It’s Chris Ramsey. AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS Perfect! LAUGHTER Ed Sheeran, thanks for joining us, man. Thanks for having me. I’ve been trying to come on this since , but I’ve always Since ? Yeah. But October’s always the month that I end up touring, so I haven’t ever been We’ve actually got a letter that you sent to one of our producers asking to come on. LAUGHTER I’ll read it out. “Dear Keith, pleeeeease can I come on Celebrity Juice? It’s all I ever wanted. When I watch the show, I get so excited, piss comes out.” AUDIENCE LAUGHS “I deliberately broke my arm so I didn’t have to come on tour and come on. Please say you will! Love from Ed Sheeran.” And it’s also done in a ginger pen, as well. AUDIENCE LAUGHS It was meant to be confidential, so cheers Oh, sorry, man. Sorry, man. So, seriously, what happened to your arm? Er, I fell off a bike. Pissed? No. I was actually cycling to the pub. Good that AUDIENCE AND CONTESTANTS LAUGH It’s fake news, though, and it’s like this is the PR spin. LAUGHTER Well I’m sure that you’ve worked out what actually happened. Yes. Yes. LAUGHTER My, my friend, Jamal, you know Jamal, Fearne? Mm! He’s a toilet attendant. And he saw you in a nightclub wanking so fast LAUGHS AUDIENCE LAUGHS ..that your spaff exploded with such force, it threw you back and you broke both your arms.



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