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You’ll never love another Although she’s not the kind of girl To take home to your mother Her ale, it is lively and strong to the taste It is brewed with discretion never with haste You can have all you like if you swear not to waste The landlord’s daughter And when her name is mentioned The parts of every gentleman do stand up At attention Oh, nothing can delight so As does the part that lies between Her left toe And her right toe I’d like my supper now, please. It won’t be long, Sergeant. Oh, you don’t want to let them worry you. Why don’t you have a wee drink? No, thank you, not just now. I think you all ought to know that I am here on official business. I am here to investigate the disappearance of a young girl, as doubtless, the harbour master has already told you by now. There’s the girl. Her name is Rowan Morrison. Would you p that among your customers, please? Now, if any of you can give me any idea as to her whereabouts, I’d be most grateful if you’d let me know. No, I’m afraid nobody’s seen her, Sergeant. Thank you. These Harvest Festival photographs? Aye. We have one taken at the end of every summer. What happened to last year’s? Mm, it got broke. Your supper’s ready, Sergeant. Willow, show the Sergeant to the dining room. Thank you. It’s disgusting. Thank you. What’s the matter, aren’t you hungry? Aye, it’s just that most of the food I’ve had- the farmhouse soup, the potatoes, broad beans all come out of a can. Broad beans, in their natural state, aren’t usually turquoise, are they? Hmm. Some things in their natural state have the most vivid colors. I just wanted to know why, that’s all. Now, I wonder what you’ll be wanting for afters? Hmm, I’ll have an apple. No apples. No apples? On Summerisle? I expect they’ve all been exported. You can have peaches and cream, if you like. Aye, from a can, I suppose. All right. Cheer up. Food isn’t everything in life, you know. Up, up, up, up! Up, up, up, up, up, up! Where? You’ll find it at the top of the stair on your right. In the woods there grew a tree And a fine, fine tree was he And on that tree there was a limb And on that limb there was a branch And on that branch there was a nest And in that nest there was an egg And in that egg there was a bird And from that bird a feather came And of that feather was A bed And on that bed there was a girl And on that girl there was a man And from that man there was a seed And from that seed there was a boy And from that boy there was a man And for that man there was a grave And from that grave there grew A tree And on that bed there was a girl And on that girl there was a man And from that man there was a seed, and from that seed there was a boy And from that boy there was a man And for that man there was a grave And from that grave there grew A tree And on that tree there was a limb and on that limb There was a branch and on that branch there was a nest And in that nest there was an egg And in that egg there was a bird, and from that bird, a feather came And of that feather was A bed Very well, girls. That’s enough. Now it’s time to pay attention to me.



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