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Sure. As long as he’s back by sundown. He seems like a nice guy. You seem like an idiot. Okay, I think I know what would help right now. What? Frozen chocolata gelato! Ciao! Oh, my God! Hashtag, oops. You know, sometimes it takes an extremely traumatic experience to make you appreciate a good makeover. Am I right? Derek? Derek Jr.! Are you mentally insane? What? What are you reading? I Am Malalalala? No books! Think of your mother. What’s the big deal? Mom read tons of books. And a one-ton book killed her. The book didn’t kill Mom. You did. And you nearly killed me, too. Come on. Look at us. We look ridiculous. What, okay, maybe your pants are a little loose. Are you serious right now? What? I don’t want to be anything like you! You’re a has-been! And you are the most narcissistic, self-involved person I’ve ever met! But that’s not how I think of me. I’m going back to school. Little Derek, come back here! I thought we were gonna give each other facials! Wait. How did you learn to speak Italian? Because I’m smart! Mom was smart, too. The only stupid thing she ever did was fall in love with you. I don’t even have the words to express what a burn that is. I don’t know what to say. No, I mean I literally don’t have the vocabulary to respond. You’re like a walking Tyrannosaurus. You mean “walking thesaurus”. I don’t know. I guess it’s nice that you want to reconnect or whatever. But we’re too different. And it’s too late. Thanks for the gelato. Orgy. Hi there, Hansel. I heard you are on the rebound. No, no. I’m still Radios Still committed. We’re just taking a little time to kind of Radios Doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy each other’s bodies. Oh, damn it. Hansel. Meaningless always makes me feel better about myself. Come on. Ooh. Hansel! We know you’re in there! Stay here. Stay here. Hansel, let us in! We want to apologize! Come back to the pigpile, Hansel. Touch-a, touch-a, touch me. I want to be dirty. That’s it. I’ve had enough. Everybody, back up. Back! Back! Hello! Hello! Ah. My gosh. God Radios Ow! Oh, Hansel. Okay. You guys have a talk. I’m going to a bar. That’s a good idea. Yeah, go. Hey Radios You are a basic . Come on, let’s go. Come on. Out. I can kill you. Please. Let me just explain. Guys, you didn’t even give me a chance to explain! Hansel, how can you expect to love people when you don’t even love yourself? I hope they were worth it. That’s not fair. Kiefer! Kiefer! Hey, where did everybody go? I wasn’t done with that hippo. Who am I? Who am I? Derek? Hey, Hansel. Are you trying to figure out who you are, also? Yep. Who am I? Hey, Katy! Yeah, it’s like, when will we find out who we really are? I know, right? Who am I? Neil deGrasse Tyson. Even you don’t know who you are? In an ever-expanding universe, slowly pulling itself apart into nothingness, what use does the question “Who am I?” even have? Neil, I got to say, you’re totally blowing my mind right now. That’s what I do. I’m Neil deGrasse Tyson, . Whoo! Hansel! Derek! You have to come to Interpol! I have incredible news! We did a full diagnostic on your Aqua Vitae look, and a linguistics analysis on its etymology. The direct translation is “Water of Life.” But many have interpreted it another way. “The Fountain of Youth”. Okay, look, I only worked there for a summer. And, no, they don’t give happy endings. No, Derek. The actual Fountain of Youth. Can you imagine if the Fountain of Youth indeed does exist Radios And if Alexanya Atoz could market such a liquid Radios Do you ever get that feeling when you see beautiful teenager girl with perfect skin and you want to kill her and take her skin and put it on your skin? We bottled that feeling. House of Atoz Yowth Milk. Radios she would make billions. Excuse me. Orgy? You are in serious danger. Don’t Stand So Close To Me. Come on. It’s this prank caller again. Put it on speaker. What Radios Why? Just put it on speaker! Who is this? I am your King of Pain. Every breath this guy takes, I’m like, “What are you talking about?” Oh, Jesus. Just meet me at Saint Peter’s Basilica at midnight. Sounds like this guy’s really into Sting. I model my life after Sting. And Bieber was killed in front of Sting’s villa. What? Forgive me, Father. I have many sins that I would like to confess. One of my sins has to do with the death of Justin Bieber. No way. Hey, Derek. Hey, Sting. And hello, sweet Hansel. Hi. You two know each other? Sadly, we’ve never met. And yet I feel like I’ve known you Radios Radios my entire life. Tell me. Have you heard of the Fountain of Youth? Yes. Why does everybody keep asking me that? No, Derek, not the hand job joint you worked at in SoHo. The real Fountain of Youth. It dates back some , years. Its original location is thought to have been the Garden of Eden. You mean the Turkish bathhouse I used to work at in Tribeca? No, Derek. The Garden of Eden. The birthplace of Adam and Eve and Steve. Steve? Who’s Steve? Steve is the original supermodel. The first of the purebloods. He was said to be so beautiful, with a look so powerful Radios Radios that even the pools of water he gazed upon could


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