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Thanks. How much ground do you think we covered? Maybe three miles. It’s not enough. It’s only the first day. Plus we got a late start, so… Gotta do better tomorrow. Maybe you could smoke in the water. Save time on the smoking breaks. The cigarettes would get wet. Not if you smoke the waterproof cigarettes. They’re all the rage with the kids today. You guys are weird. What do you mean “you guys”? He’s the one that wants to swim all day. PAUL: I don’t want to swim all day. I want to swim the Hudson. There’s a difference. It’s not like I’m going back and forth in a pool all day, like Stevie Brennan. (CHUCKLING) He was a mentally retarded boy we went to school with. Autistic. Whatever. That young man gave one hell of a blowjob. Mmm… You guys are truly demented. I don’t know what you mean by that. Now, let’s head back to shore so I can get a high colonic and a bite to eat. (SOFTLY) It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. (EXHALES) It’s okay. I haven’t had in a year. No? You should get married then. I have like, God, almost six times a year. It’s hard to keep up. What’s that about? I don’t know. Marriage, I guess. Lots of little resentments. You’re single. You ought to be having all the time. Get it while you can. You know? I guess. So what’s this haven’t-had–for-a-year business? A girl like you should be getting some serious dick action. Yeah, I don’t know. I think I’ve had too many lovers already. Too many lovers? LIZ: Yeah. Not too much . But too many lovers. Paul! Hey, Paul! You think you’ve slept with too many women in your life? Too many? JEFF: Yeah. Think you had too many lovers? Oh, yeah. Way too many. Wish I could turn back the clock. Where do I sign up for the too-many-lovers program? You don’t understand. Yeah, apparently. (SIGHS) I haven’t slept in a sleeping bag since camp. Inside a teepee. JEFF: The famous camp. Waterskiing. Teepees. (SIGHING) I wish I could go to camp now. It was fun. It had all sorts of old-school activities. Archery, water polo, capture the flag. Oh! I would love to play water polo. Paul, how much would you pay to play a real game of water polo? Ten bucks? Wrong! Fifty bucks. Wow. Water polo. (CHUCKLES) What didn’t they have at that camp? Adequate adult supervision. It was great. Any lesbian experimentation going on? (CHUCKLES) A little. Why are you swimming down the river, Paul? It’s a charity stunt. Why is it so important to get there by August th? He has Yankee tickets that night. You don’t remember what the th is? If you’re talking about the day you came out to me, I’m pretty sure that, that was the spring of senior year… And we never really celebrate that. This stuff never stops, does it? JEFF: Nope. The older I get, the more immature I get. It’s an odd phenomenon. It’s not one I claim to understand. Enough about me. What’s the deal with the th? Amy’s anniversary. August th is the fifth anniversary of her death. To prepare for the occasion, I thought I’d do something interesting, something unique, to distinguish myself in some small way before I go. Go where? It’s been five years. Motherer! LIZ: What? What? Jeff! What’s happening? What… What was that about? He’s gonna kill himself when we finish the swim. What’s going on here? What… When Amy was killed, Paul was a wreck. He was completely destroyed. Um… One night, after not being able to reach him for a couple days, I went over to their apartment to see how he was. And when I got there, the door was open and there was a suicide note on the desk. And I remember we hung out on his roof sometimes, so I run up there. And there he was on the edge of the roof, about to iump. Jesus. Yeah. But I start talking to him. We start talking and I’m trying to convince him that he will feel better sometime. Amy had iust died three months earlier and he just had to give it some time. And I told him to think about the people that care about him. And what about our friendship? That kind of thing. And I give him reason after reason not to do it, not the least of which is my car’s parked below, I don’t want him to land on it. Really? No, but I did say that at one point and he actually laughed. I got a laugh out of him, in spite of everything, and, uh, just kept him talking. Finally, after what seems like an hour, I say, “I’ll tell you what. “You absolutely have to give this more time. “Give it five years, “and if at the end of those five years you still want to die, “I promise not only not to interfere, “I’ll kick in for a pack of razor blades, “and I’ll give a eulogy at your funeral, telling ’em you did the right thing for you, “and I’ll defend your decision to anybody who has a problem with it.” But he didn’t want to wait five years. He didn’t want to wait five minutes. Thing is, he would’ve asked for the exact same thing if the situation was reversed, to give it more time. And when he realized that, I knew I had him. I knew he wasn’t going to jump. We actually shook hands on it, and he seemed to gradually get better. And after a couple years, I put it in the back of my mind, and, uh, kind of forgot about it, until about two minutes ago.



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